Weekly Washington: Craziest Weekend Ever!

photo uploaded to flickr by marabuchiThat's right folks. This may be the craziest weekend I can remember here in DC. Halloween is already my favorite time of year in Washington, and then we have the Rally for Fear/Sanity thrown in. It's going to be a busy one.

I thought about writing up a Rally Guide, but what's the point? Nine gagillion already exist and I have little to add. And if the mobs are too much, check out our Fear and Sanity sights throughout the rest of DC. (TBD)

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Beyond the Food Court - Tackling the Indian Museum

There are two kinds of Museums on the Mall (and just off of it). The first are the “draws”: high density ones that draw people from all over and are hip deep in school kids half the year. Natural History, Air and Space, and American History, Archives, the Castle, Holocaust Memorial Museum, and National Gallery of Art (kind of), all are in that first category. These are museums my visitors know about, are primed to see, and will be upset with me if I skip.

And then there are the rest. The forgotten step-children of the Mall that no matter how worthy can’t seem to attract or connect with visitors. Sometimes, in my rarely humble opinion, I can get a group to connect with one of these (I had good luck with the Nun exhibit from earlier this year), but all to often either a group doesn’t want to visit these. That’s OK with me, these museums are often undiscovered gems and/or great places for me to take a nap.

Keeping this in mind, I’ve been keeping an eye on where the National Museum of the American Indian is heading since it opened in 2004, and I have to say it tends to be falling into both categories. That’s right, it’s both a draw and an “also on the Mall”.

How, you may ask? 

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How Many Freaking Smithsonians Are There, Already?

OK, the Smithsonian is kind of an unnecessarily fluid concept in DC. We often used as shorthand to refer to the museums on the National Mall, which is technically incorrect as not all Smithsonians are on the Mall and not all museums on the Mall are Smithsonians (the National Gallery of Art is its own thing and not part of the Smithsonian Institute).

But let’s say I want to break from tradition and actually be accurate on my tours. The problem I run into is how many Smithsonians are there really? Officially, the Smithsonian Institute refers to their “19 museums and the National Zoo”, so let’s go with that number. I can buy not lumping the Zoo in, as zoos are usually not considered museums. Just don’t make me buy into that old tour guide canard that “the zoo is not a museum, it’s a research institution”. They’re all research institutions, guys, one way or another.

So let’s try to get a handle on all nineteen. Our first problem starts when we click through to the above link. Let’s count them up, as listed:

    1. African Art Museum
    2. Air and Space Museum
    3. Air and Space Museum, Udvar-Hazy Center (oohh, so now I guess we’re counting them separately?)
    4. American Art Museum and its Renwick Gallery
    5. American History Museum
    6. American Indian Museum
    7. Anacostia Community Museum
    8. Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum
    9. Freer Gallery of Art and Arthur M. Sackler Gallery
    10. Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden
    11. National Zoo (here listed as under Museums, let’s not count this)
    11. Portrait Gallery
    12. Postal Museum
    13. Smithsonian Institution Building, the Castle

And then we get two more, listed under a dividing line:
   
    14. African American History and Culture Museum (currently in planning stages with a rotating exhibit at the American History Museum, to open in 2015ish).
    15. Arts and Industries Building (currently closed for renovations, I haven’t heard a timeline/plan yet for reopening)

So that gets us up to fifteen (not counting the Zoo, and counting the two museums physically not ready yet). This counts (as it should) the off the Mall museums of Udvar-Hazy near Dulles Airport in Virginia, the Portrait Gallery and American Art Museum in downtown DC, the Anacostia Museum across the Anacostia River in Southeast DC, and the Cooper-Hewitt Museum in New York City.

So where are those other four lurking? Well, re-reading our list, I suppose we should break the Renwick Gallery off of the American Art Museum. Frankly, I wish the Smithsonian would as well. The American Art Museum is physically co-located with the National Portrait Gallery at the old Patent Office on F ST NW between 7th and 9th. They share the building, and it takes a really astute observer to notice they are actually two separate museums. Most visitors would never notice. Perversely, the Renwick Gallery, which focuses on crafts and decorative arts, belongs to the American Art Museum, but is physically located several blocks away near the White House. But you wouldn’t really notice this in their collective website, which lumps the two of them together. Annoying, but beyond the scope of our discussion. For our purposes, the Renwick is clearly a separate museum, no matter how the internal structure of the Smithsonian is laid out.

A similar distinction emerges with the Freer/Sackler Galleries. Listed as one Museum; they are at least physically connected, if only by a tunnel. They both focus on Asian Art and share a webpage, but as they are separate buildings I guess we can count them as two museums, bumping our total to seventeen.

So where are those other two hiding? Well, a close look at the National Museum of the American Indian reveals that in addition to their presence on the Mall, they continue to run an earlier incarnation up in New York City, the George Gustav Heye Center at the Customs House near Battery Park in lower Manhattan. And we’re one out away...

And this is where it gets fun. Lurking in the upper left corner I notice the “Virtual Museum” category, with the lonely “Latino Virtual Museum” occupying the only spot. And this is where I put my foot down, Smithsonian. I gave you the African American History and Culture Museum, as plans have progressed, architects have been selected, and they even have a pretty kick-ass exhibition up right now. But I’m sorry guys, just as Second Life is no substitute for the real one, a “virtual museum” doesn’t cut in my book either. Come back and try again when you get something real going with the Latino Museum. I look forward to it.

So, for now, we’re calling it at 18 Museums and the National Zoo. You guys can relax a bit on the count: you’re already world-class, you don’t need to over-compensate.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ian, Germantown for catching me out! I forgot the Natural History Museum!!!! The most visited museum, celebrating it's 100th Anniversary. Holy crap!

Alright, my apologies to the Smithsonian and to the basic concept of mathematics. That puts us safely past 19, with hopes that the Latino Museum will some day be less virtual and round it out to 20.

Thanksgiving: a Day of Reckoning

Those of us who live in DC are used to the ebb and flow of tourists coming to our fair city. I, for one, welcome it, and not just because of the dozens of dollars I earn from showing folks around. It's easy for us to get jaded at the grandeur of the buildings and the hustle and bustle of government going on around us as we go about our daily lives. I truly enjoy the enthusiasm and fresh perspective of visitors, and not just to chuckle at when they gaze upon the Capitol and ask "do you think the President is home?" My visitors often teach me as much as I show them.

But that being said, if you live around here, get your Mall time in now. With the cherry blossoms coming at us like a freight train, we're in for six months of tourist season. Maybe the economy will keep some of them at home, but I've got to warn you: I'm not seeing a drop off in my bookings for the spring. So after we hunker down for half the year, fall is a great time for us locals to get reacquainted with our home town. The humidity has lifted and we can actually stop and look at an exhibit or two without being crushed. Except for one day...

As my good friend Susan L asks:

We have the whole family here for Thanksgiving. We swear that we will not go shopping on the Friday after T-day. Therefore, we have to come up with an event to do all together. I have a large family… probably 15+ adults. And, then there are kids too. But, sometimes the kids are not included. So the question is, what is fun to do the day after Thanksgiving that not 1 million others will be doing. This can include kids or not.

I feel your pain, Susan. We've done our part and welcomed the hordes. Now we just want to show our relatives the freaking Hope diamond. So I'm going to throw out a few ideas but this is really a topic where I could use some audience participation. Please post some ideas in the comments or send them to me. Please! If I don't get a good answer Susan might hurt me. She scares me.

1. Obviously, you've got no business being at the Natural History, Air and Space, or American History museums on this day. But this can be a good day to check out the Freer, the Sackler, the National Museum of African Art, or some of the less loved museums. And someone out there should show some love for the Hirshhorn, but even I have my limits.

2. Avoid the Mall entirely and head to the White House. Beyond showing the folks the obligatory White House, there are three excellent museums right there: the Renwick Gallery, the Corcoran Gallery of Art, and the Decatur House. And not a terribly far walk away is the White House Visitors Center and the Daughters of the American Revolution Museum. So, while there might not be something for everyone, you can at least take the crowd to Lafeyette Square and let them see whatever interests them.

So folks, I need your help on this one. Enough freeloading, send me your suggestions. Because if Susan shows up on my doorstep with 15 relatives on Black Friday, I'm blaming you.

So, where do we eat? - On the Mall

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The National Mall is a great place to spend a day to Washington, as long as you don't get hungry. Most of the museums have food options; they're just expensive and, often, not very good. And nearby? Ha! We have the neoclassical Federal Triangle area to the north and the brutalist Southwest DC to the south. Notice how I fail to call them "neighborhoods". Neighborhoods imply the presence of "neighbors" or at least humanity. These are barren wastelands of government office buildings with nary a Starbucks in sight. I've seen folks get lost for days in the wilds of Federal Triangle, only to emerge clutching half gnawed bits of Spanish tile and asking "Why? Why, dear Lord, do they make it so hard to find something to eat?" I'm not kidding, it's not pretty.

What to do? If you don't want to have to barter your youngest for food, here are some options. Or, at the very least, some help on getting a good return on that child.

My Recommendations:

1. Department of Agriculture - You know, that big white building on the Mall that's NOT a museum? Back when the Agriculture was a major part of our economy, they got a prime spot on Independence Avenue and 14th. Ag may be the appendix of Cabinet Departments, but they have a good cafeteria. It's not anything special, except the food is reasonably priced, there's plenty of seating, and it's only a two minute walk from the Mall. Oh wait, that makes it pretty darned special around here.

To get in, you need to walk south of 12th St and then west on C ST SW (a right). It will be the second door on your right. You have to go through security; just tell them you're going to the cafeteria.

Hours: Breakfast 6:30 - 10:00 (Hot 7-9) Lunch 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM Coffee shop 2:00-3:30
Closed Weekends/Federal Holidays

2. National Museum of the American Indian - It's not cheap, but at least you get something for the experience. Far and away, the best museum food court in DC and, while I haven't visited all of them yet, I daresay the world. Each section represents a different region of Indians (Plains, Northwest, Mezo-American, etc.) and has food from that area. The buffalo chili on fry bread is a safe bet but this is a great place to get adventurous. It's going to cost you, but so would that Big Mac at Air and Space.

Hours: 10:00 AM - 5:15 PM

3. On the Fly Carts - Great local addition to the food cart scene. I've got nothing against the half-smoke vendors (except that their half-smokes are crap) but these guys prove that street vendor does not have to equal suck.

Hours: 11:00 AM -6:00 PM, weekends and holidays only

4. Natural History Museum - Fossil Cafe - Ok, it's no bargain and the food, while fine, is nothing special. I just like it as a quiet place to get a cup of coffee, until all of you tourists show up. It's back in the corner behind the dinosaurs, hence the name.

Hours 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM

5. Bring your own - Bring a picnic lunch. Technically, no food or drink is allowed in the museum and I certainly wouldn't recommend eating inside them, but most museums have bag checks. Just bring it and check it when you go in. Personally, I like the Haupt Garden behind the Castle.

Places that are fun because of where they are, not what they serve:

1. Smithsonian Castle
2. Museum of Natural History - Atrium Cafe
3. National Gallery of Art - neat places, but expensive

Do Not Recommend:

1. National Air and Space Museum - It's just McDonalds for twice the price. And hot, damn hot in the summer.
2. National Museum of American History - I hear it's finally open, but they're selling off-the-shelf pb&j for five bucks. When I take a look at it, I'll tell you how it is. Until then, I stand by my assessment.

By all means, if you know any more, add them in the comments. Or, if you want to quibble with me, please do so, but not about the Air and Space food court. That place sucks. If I were the Wright family I'd put up signs saying it's not named for us, it's those other Wrights from, um, New Mexico. So, if you like the Air and Space one, keep it to yourself.