It's Just Too Damn Hot Out There

On a hot day like today, take a wander down to the National Mall, and I guarentee you'll see some prime tantrums being thrown. "It's too hot!" "My feet hurt" "I want ice cream" "I don't care what's in that building, I'm sick of museums!"

And this is just the parents.

So, before your kids turn into a molten pile of goo and your wife gives you that look, take some time to relax, buy them (and you) some ice cream, and maybe even splash around a bit. Here are some options:

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How Many Freaking Smithsonians Are There, Already?

OK, the Smithsonian is kind of an unnecessarily fluid concept in DC. We often used as shorthand to refer to the museums on the National Mall, which is technically incorrect as not all Smithsonians are on the Mall and not all museums on the Mall are Smithsonians (the National Gallery of Art is its own thing and not part of the Smithsonian Institute).

But let’s say I want to break from tradition and actually be accurate on my tours. The problem I run into is how many Smithsonians are there really? Officially, the Smithsonian Institute refers to their “19 museums and the National Zoo”, so let’s go with that number. I can buy not lumping the Zoo in, as zoos are usually not considered museums. Just don’t make me buy into that old tour guide canard that “the zoo is not a museum, it’s a research institution”. They’re all research institutions, guys, one way or another.

So let’s try to get a handle on all nineteen. Our first problem starts when we click through to the above link. Let’s count them up, as listed:

    1. African Art Museum
    2. Air and Space Museum
    3. Air and Space Museum, Udvar-Hazy Center (oohh, so now I guess we’re counting them separately?)
    4. American Art Museum and its Renwick Gallery
    5. American History Museum
    6. American Indian Museum
    7. Anacostia Community Museum
    8. Cooper-Hewitt, National Design Museum
    9. Freer Gallery of Art and Arthur M. Sackler Gallery
    10. Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden
    11. National Zoo (here listed as under Museums, let’s not count this)
    11. Portrait Gallery
    12. Postal Museum
    13. Smithsonian Institution Building, the Castle

And then we get two more, listed under a dividing line:
   
    14. African American History and Culture Museum (currently in planning stages with a rotating exhibit at the American History Museum, to open in 2015ish).
    15. Arts and Industries Building (currently closed for renovations, I haven’t heard a timeline/plan yet for reopening)

So that gets us up to fifteen (not counting the Zoo, and counting the two museums physically not ready yet). This counts (as it should) the off the Mall museums of Udvar-Hazy near Dulles Airport in Virginia, the Portrait Gallery and American Art Museum in downtown DC, the Anacostia Museum across the Anacostia River in Southeast DC, and the Cooper-Hewitt Museum in New York City.

So where are those other four lurking? Well, re-reading our list, I suppose we should break the Renwick Gallery off of the American Art Museum. Frankly, I wish the Smithsonian would as well. The American Art Museum is physically co-located with the National Portrait Gallery at the old Patent Office on F ST NW between 7th and 9th. They share the building, and it takes a really astute observer to notice they are actually two separate museums. Most visitors would never notice. Perversely, the Renwick Gallery, which focuses on crafts and decorative arts, belongs to the American Art Museum, but is physically located several blocks away near the White House. But you wouldn’t really notice this in their collective website, which lumps the two of them together. Annoying, but beyond the scope of our discussion. For our purposes, the Renwick is clearly a separate museum, no matter how the internal structure of the Smithsonian is laid out.

A similar distinction emerges with the Freer/Sackler Galleries. Listed as one Museum; they are at least physically connected, if only by a tunnel. They both focus on Asian Art and share a webpage, but as they are separate buildings I guess we can count them as two museums, bumping our total to seventeen.

So where are those other two hiding? Well, a close look at the National Museum of the American Indian reveals that in addition to their presence on the Mall, they continue to run an earlier incarnation up in New York City, the George Gustav Heye Center at the Customs House near Battery Park in lower Manhattan. And we’re one out away...

And this is where it gets fun. Lurking in the upper left corner I notice the “Virtual Museum” category, with the lonely “Latino Virtual Museum” occupying the only spot. And this is where I put my foot down, Smithsonian. I gave you the African American History and Culture Museum, as plans have progressed, architects have been selected, and they even have a pretty kick-ass exhibition up right now. But I’m sorry guys, just as Second Life is no substitute for the real one, a “virtual museum” doesn’t cut in my book either. Come back and try again when you get something real going with the Latino Museum. I look forward to it.

So, for now, we’re calling it at 18 Museums and the National Zoo. You guys can relax a bit on the count: you’re already world-class, you don’t need to over-compensate.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ian, Germantown for catching me out! I forgot the Natural History Museum!!!! The most visited museum, celebrating it's 100th Anniversary. Holy crap!

Alright, my apologies to the Smithsonian and to the basic concept of mathematics. That puts us safely past 19, with hopes that the Latino Museum will some day be less virtual and round it out to 20.

Get Thee to a Nunnery!

uploaded to flickr by catface3So last week, as my group prepared to spend some time touring the Smithsonians, I had to take a break. The thought of jostling crowds yet again at the Air and Space, Natural History, or American History Museums was too difficult to bear. All worthy, and in fact world class, institutions, but I just didn't have the stomach to wade through the hordes. So, like any good rodent, I decided to seek safety in an underground lair.

When I'm looking to experience a quiet moment on the Mall, I head over to the Sackler Gallery of Asian Art or the National Museum of African Art. I'll be the first to admit that while I can appreciate Asian and African Art, the real draw is the peaceful sense of solitude, coupled with the sangfroid of knowing that just thirty feet over my head is tens of thousands of desperate tourists, grimly sucking the most from their experience.

But when I was wandering through last week, enjoying Artful Animals, a delightful discussion of the use (and occasional absence) of various animals in African artwork, I stumbled into a stunning exhibit I had frankly never even heard of: Women and Spirit: Catholic Sisters in America. Now as I'm being frank, I should explain that my personal Catholicism has lapsed so subtly and thoroughly that I no longer feel comfortable identifying myself as such. Outside of chuckling at Blues Brothers and nodding politely at the sisters who live down the street from me, Nuns and other Catholic religious orders have little impact in my life.

So why the fascination with this exhibit? Perhaps because nuns are intertwined into our collective zeitgeist, yet relatively unexamined. What do we really know about them? They are both familiar, and yet foreign. Nuns have witnessed, and participated in, many of the most critical events in American History, but their story is rarely told, and certainly not in a comprehensive way like this exhibit does.

Fundamentally for me, the question that percolates through my mind as I tour Women and Spirit is "who would do this?" And why? An advertisement for the Sisters of the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Aberdeen, South Dakota read:

We offer you no salary; no recompense; no holidays; no pensions; but much hard work; a poor dwelling; few consolations; many disappointments; frequent sickness; a violent or lonely death.

And yet they came, and helped shape American life, teaching millions and comforting thousands. The exhibit doesn't stray from showing the full picture of Catholic Sisters in their three centuries in America. Class distinctions common in Europe were brought to the New World, where they often clashed with egalitarian American ideals. And a 1844 Bill of Sale for a slave to the Sisters of Loretto shows that even the most moral can have blind spots.

Unfortunately, I've given you little time to see this exhibit. It's closes this Sunday, April 25th before moving on to Cleveland, New York, and points west. But if you're on the Mall, go visit the S. Dillon Ripley Center (entrance just to the right of the Castle as you look at it from the Mall). Trust me, the Hope Diamond will still be there the next time you come.

Metro to the Mall

I'm going to have to ask my local readers to bear with me here, but there's some important info I haven't shared yet with our out of town guests.

I think, by now, most visitors have gotten the word about not driving to the National Mall. It's possible, I guess, and people do it, but you're more likely to see Obama than find parking anywhere close to the Museums. And, to indulge in a tangent for a second, if you are that lovely couple from New Jersey who decided to take do it yourself parallel parking lessons in front of the Smithsonian, than let me tell you that the bus honking at you was mine. I got to ask you, what made you think the parking fairy was going to help you on the 16th try? There's no shame in not knowing how to parallel park, there is in blocking traffic for half of downtown DC.

Whew, now that that's out of my system, let's focus on some actual useful advice. Everyone always says "take Metro to the Smithsonians" and folks naturally assume that the Smithsonian stop is the one to get off of at. However, the "Smithsonian" is a gigantic institution that sprawls from the base of the Capitol to the shadow of the Washington Monument, well over a mile in distance. Due to the proximity of several Metro stations, the Smithsonian station may not be your best stop.

Much depends on what line you are taking to the Mall. Consult your friendly Metro Map, first. The Blue, Orange, Yellow, and Green lines all cross under the Mall. If you are taking the Yellow line into the city, for example, it does little good to get off L'Enfant Plaza, wait ten minutes for a transfer to the Blue/Orange Line, get off at Smithsonian if you are, in fact, going to the Air and Space Museum. So, let's break it down by museum.

View Metro to the Mall in a larger map

American History: Get on the Blue or Orange Line and get off at Federal Triangle or Smithsonian stop. The Museum is slightly closer to the Smithsonian stop, but I prefer the Federal Triangle stop, especially if you have to push a stroller through the gravel of the Mall walkways. If you get off at Federal Triangle, when you take the escalator to the top, turn around, walk to 12th St, and take a right.

Natural History: If you are coming from the Blue/Orange line, then the same as above. If you have a stroller or wheelchair, I'd recommend using the Federal Triangle stop. The Constitution Ave entrance that you come to is handicap accessible, in a way that the Mall entrance very much is not. If you are riding the Yellow or Green Lines, you might want to save a transfer and get off at Navy Memorial/Archives. Upon exiting, walk straight to 9th street, cross Pennsylvania Ave, and walk south one block. The Natural History Museum will be across the street.

Smithsonian Castle, African Art Museum, Sackler Gallery, and the Freer Gallery: These are all readily accessible from the Smithsonian station. Use the Mall exit.

National Gallery of Art: The closest stop is the Archives/Navy Memorial. Do a 180 upon exiting, take a right on 7th, cross Pennsylvania and Constitution, and look up. That's the West Building. Any guesses as to which direction the East Building is from here? If you happen to be on the Blue/Orange line and don't feel like transferring, you can also get off at the L'Enfant Plaza stop and walk across the Mall. Use the 7th Street/Maryland Avenue exit. It's a little farther than Navy/Archives but you can save the hassle of transferring.

National Air and Space Museum: For all the lines (except Red) use the L'Enfant Plaza station. There are multiple exits to choose, so make sure you go to the 7th Street/Maryland Avenue exit. It is on the upper level above the Green/Yellow line tracks. Once above ground, walk up Maryland and take a left on 6th Street. Air and Space is one block directly ahead of you. For all six of you that might wish to visit the Hirshorn Gallery of Modern and Contemporary Art, use this exit as well, just walk up 7th Street instead of Maryland.

National Museum of the American Indian: Federal Center SW is the closest, a few blocks down 3rd St, but is only on the Blue/Orange Line. If you are on the Green/Yellow, walk a few blocks more down Maryland Ave, away from the Capitol.

Thanksgiving: a Day of Reckoning

Those of us who live in DC are used to the ebb and flow of tourists coming to our fair city. I, for one, welcome it, and not just because of the dozens of dollars I earn from showing folks around. It's easy for us to get jaded at the grandeur of the buildings and the hustle and bustle of government going on around us as we go about our daily lives. I truly enjoy the enthusiasm and fresh perspective of visitors, and not just to chuckle at when they gaze upon the Capitol and ask "do you think the President is home?" My visitors often teach me as much as I show them.

But that being said, if you live around here, get your Mall time in now. With the cherry blossoms coming at us like a freight train, we're in for six months of tourist season. Maybe the economy will keep some of them at home, but I've got to warn you: I'm not seeing a drop off in my bookings for the spring. So after we hunker down for half the year, fall is a great time for us locals to get reacquainted with our home town. The humidity has lifted and we can actually stop and look at an exhibit or two without being crushed. Except for one day...

As my good friend Susan L asks:

We have the whole family here for Thanksgiving. We swear that we will not go shopping on the Friday after T-day. Therefore, we have to come up with an event to do all together. I have a large family… probably 15+ adults. And, then there are kids too. But, sometimes the kids are not included. So the question is, what is fun to do the day after Thanksgiving that not 1 million others will be doing. This can include kids or not.

I feel your pain, Susan. We've done our part and welcomed the hordes. Now we just want to show our relatives the freaking Hope diamond. So I'm going to throw out a few ideas but this is really a topic where I could use some audience participation. Please post some ideas in the comments or send them to me. Please! If I don't get a good answer Susan might hurt me. She scares me.

1. Obviously, you've got no business being at the Natural History, Air and Space, or American History museums on this day. But this can be a good day to check out the Freer, the Sackler, the National Museum of African Art, or some of the less loved museums. And someone out there should show some love for the Hirshhorn, but even I have my limits.

2. Avoid the Mall entirely and head to the White House. Beyond showing the folks the obligatory White House, there are three excellent museums right there: the Renwick Gallery, the Corcoran Gallery of Art, and the Decatur House. And not a terribly far walk away is the White House Visitors Center and the Daughters of the American Revolution Museum. So, while there might not be something for everyone, you can at least take the crowd to Lafeyette Square and let them see whatever interests them.

So folks, I need your help on this one. Enough freeloading, send me your suggestions. Because if Susan shows up on my doorstep with 15 relatives on Black Friday, I'm blaming you.